Castle Town Hijinks
by Nightspade
Summary: Because running around town as a wolf seemed like a good idea at the time. Zelink


Okay, so here's my first attempt at a Zelda fic. It's set after Twilight Princess and I do hope you all enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend of Zelda and in no way make any profit from this ficticious work.

* * *

"It is really a rather strange occurrence, but also very frightening." Royal advisor Winston concluded at the end of the briefing. "We must see to the safety of the residents of Castle Town at once!"

The Queen did her best not to roll her eyes. Despite his undeniable skill at performing his duties, Winston had such an annoying knack for stating the obvious. As she prepared to state her course of action, she found the rather stout and wheezy political advisor Virmin had beaten her to the next word.

"I would be more concerned as to why such a thing has begun happening. If we can determine the cause, we can stop the problem at its source."

"What are you blathering about? Why does it matter the cause?" Security minister Sorden interrupted. "Your majesty," he addressed the Queen with, she noted, a sudden and instant reverence in his voice, "I recommend we send a group of soldiers to quietly slay this beast. No need to cause a general panic."

Virmin countered with disbelief, "Panic? You think that a squad of armed men roaming the city in search of something, the general public knows not what, won't cause a panic?" He paused to catch his breath, his sudden and excited (for him) statement had left him winded. "Your highness, we need to know why such a creature as a wolf would suddenly and brazenly enter an established settlement, and Castle Town no less! Something, or someone must have given that beast cause to enter. Perhaps a food shortage? Or it could be someone's poorly trained pet-"

"Pet?" Sorden mocked. "If some fool is trying to domesticate wild wolves and hasn't been ripped to pieces yet, we would be doing the beast a favor by putting it out of it's misery. Surely, your highness, in all your wisdom you can see that this is obviously either a rabid animal that poses serious risk to the public safety or some poor stray that has for whatever reason been separated from it's pack." His next words came with a feigned sincerity that, had she not already known of how little importance the topic at hand was and devised the proper course of action, would have made Zelda retch in disgust. "The only humane course of action is to put the poor creature out of its misery."

"Enough." The queen commanded. "I have listened to everyone who has an opinion on this subject and have decided on the proper course of action. This emergency session is dismissed. Gentlemen, you may return to your families." With that, she rose from her seat at the head of the long meeting table and bade Winston to follow her.

As she was leaving she could vaguely make out the annoyed grumblings of the minister of agriculture as he met with the chief of Zoran relations pondering why _they_ were even bothered with a summons on such an irrelevant issue. _Yes, _Zelda thought, _why indeed?_

As Zelda and advisor Winston began to make their way through the halls and it was clear to Zelda they were out of earshot of anyone save the walls, she addressed the man.

"Yes, my queen." The short man replied dutifully.

"The next time a stray dog wonders through market street, please don't stop everything in a panic over it."

"My apologizes, your highness." He bowed respectfully before continuing, "But when word reached members of the council some of them insisted on a meeting to discuss action."

"Then relay to them, for me, that the next time such a thing happens, to light a torch and chase it out themselves." She let her calm and tranquil mask slip to reveal the annoyance she had felt the moment the meeting had began. "You have been remiss in the task I have assigned you."

"Forgive me, but I am not aware-"

"Where is my husband right now?" She interrupted.

Winston sighed before beginning. "Your majesty… With all due respect, I cannot keep an eye the king every hour of every day. I simply do not have the time. Nor the energy."

"Then appoint someone-"

"Yet again, I must beg your forgiveness, but there is no way to order someone to watch the king's every movement and not start the whispering of a coup d'état."

Zelda came to a halt, prompting Winston to do the same. "Sir Winston, find the king, find Link, bring him to me. I wish to…" She paused as her composure, for whatever reason, began to slip. Once it was regained a few seconds later she continued, "discuss, yes that is the word, discuss this matter with him. I'd go myself but I am to have a meeting with the castle doctors today and can't leave."

"But you said that it wasn't of impor-"

"Now!"

"Yes, my queen!" And with that Winston ran with a speed that even the Pegasus boots of legend would have failed to match.

* * *

In a dark corner of Telma's Bar, wearing a thick dark cloak to conceal his identity, sat the King of Hyrule, Link, quietly pretending to contemplate his drink. All the while stifling massive fits of laughter at the patrons of the bar. One man, at a table to his left had told the most stunning (hilariously slanted) story of 'the beast' yet, and had thus amassed quite the crowded.

"Yes, I saw the beast as it was preying on a poor orphan lad on the opposite end of the street as I. Without thought for my own safety, I drew my blade and charged, screaming at the boy to not make any sudden moves, hoping my noise would either frighten the beast, or draw it away from the babe." He retold the story, with Link noted, more color and dramatic flare this time.

"Oh, how brave." One girl swooned.

"You could have been killed!" A man exclaimed."

"Aye," the man casually dismissed, "but what is my life to that of a child? Once in range, I threw myself between the hungry wolf and the small child, swinging my sword with precision as to keep it's foaming mouth at bay. You should have seen the fangs! Like daggers, they were!"

"What happened next?" His admirers demanded.

"He leapt at me, but I dodged! And swung at him yet again, striking it in it's side!" The man had carelessly began swinging his sword over the crowd's heads in a reenactment of his 'heroics.' "The animal howled in pain as I was bathed in it's blood, and the beast retreated into an alleyway. But I reasoned that I should secure the child, rather than give chase."

The man was praised and exalted by his fellow bar patrons, and Link saw from the corner of his eye that several people who had left earlier were now returning, with their friends or even people whom they had just found off the street, who they brought in to here the man's (outrageous) tale.

Link snickered quietly to himself out loud as he remembered how the event had really went.

_Running wildly through the East street in the early morning, Link scared away a large group of people as he barked and woofed, really laughing madly to himself at their reactions. The way they fled in terror, even as he did things that by no stretch of the imagination were even remotely intimating, such as run in circles or surprise someone and lick their face. He wondered why he hadn't done this sooner. As the people made for their homes and slammed their windows, a few cats made their way up to the wolf._

"_Good morning, your majesty." They all greeted happily in unison. Link's response was an equally warm and celebratory howl._

"_How are the humans, meow?" One asked curiously while rubbing against his leg._

"_Oh, the same as always. You know how they are, with their under grown forelegs and thumbs." Link joked. "Always so boring." _

"_And her majesty? How is the queen?" Another asked excitedly._

"_She's still the best in the world when it comes to scratching behind the ears and petting."_

"_Yes, yes! I would say that anyone, human or otherwise would be most lucky to be in the queen's arms, yes! I remember when she held me that one day I snuck into the castle, oh yes indeed! Yes, she was very kind, yes sire!" Another cat purred._

"_Your majesty, please help me." A tabby in the group asked. "My friend, Oscar, has climbed up a tree and simply won't come down. The human that looks after us is very upset."_

"Sure, where is he?" Link asked. When they arrived at the tree Link jumped and rested his forepaws against its trunk while barking his demands to Oscar. "Oscar? Oscar! Come down now!"

"_No." It was the only reply he got from the lazy cat up high on a branch.  
_

"_Okay… why?"_

_Oscar yawned. "I don't feel like coming down."_

"_Oh, but Oscar, I want to play with you!" The tabby demanded._

"_If you want to so badly, you can just climb up here with me."_

"_But if we play up there, then we might fall down."_

"_Then I guess," the lazy tomcat yawned "that you'll have to find someone else to pl-AH!" He was cut short as Link tackled the thin tree, causing it to shake violently. Oscar struggled to grab the branch. "Of course, sire! I'll be down at once!" He meowed quickly. He then leapt from the branch, claws extended, onto Link's back, resulting in a howl of pain from the wolf. "Sorry, your majesty, but… you're much softer than the ground." The cat then leaped off him and ran down the street as the others gave chase._

_Soon after, Link saw a small child, around three or four years of age, playing outside the orphanage. The child saw him and began to approach him, looking for a playmate. Just than, Link heard a distinctly male scream. Though, admittedly, it also sounded like a little girl's scream. Turning in the direction of the scream, Link saw a man with sword a few yards away on the same street. He was clearly mortified of him and was swinging the sword in his direction, with all the skill of a drunken ape. _

_Amused, Link barked, __**once**__, at the man. Letting out a screech of horror not unlike the one Zelda emitted when she found out he had challenged Darbus to a sumo match over what the castle's entire staff, politicians, guards, and servants, will forever remember as 'the teacup debacle.'_

_In blind terror, the man turned tail and fled, crashing into a barrel of wine some poor merchant had left outside and spilling a great deal upon himself, before running the west of the way down the street and to the nearest house with an open door._

Link smiled to himself at the hilarity of it all. Just then, he noticed someone enter who was a full two heads shorter than he. Someone who he recognized… and didn't want to see. Winston.

"Hey," started one patron, "it be the personal advisor of King Link himself!"

"Oh my," exclaimed the same fawning woman from before. "Word of your heroism has reached our heroic king's ears and he's sent his right hand man to reward you."

"Well, actually I-" Winston began, before he was cut off.

"Of course!" The blowhard said, "The king wishes to acknowledge my own heroism as on par with his own! Well, my good fellow," he said as he took a bemused Winston in close with an arm over the shoulder, "You tell his majesty that humble citizen Olaf would be honored by whatever prestige or accomadations he would wish to throw at my feet."

Link needn't worry about concealing his amusement, as the cheers and whistles from the crowd were drowning out his insane laughter. The morning's antics were meant to be a welcome break from the strict and posh governing life he had married into, but this-this was just too good of an unexpected bonus not to enjoy! Link frantically tried to regain his composure, but to no avail.

"I'm sorry?" A baffled Winston asked. After another, more elaborate retelling of the tale, this time involving a child in even greater distress and a wolf whose colorful description can only be termed as demonic, Winston had an impressed look upon his face. "And you wounded the animal, you say?"

"Yes sir! Got his blood right here on my tunic to prove it." The man tugged at his red wine stained clothes to show his proof.

Disappointment appeared on Winston's face. "Where?"

"What do you mean, where? Right there! Those red stains are from the beast itself!"

"Sir… these are wine stains." A collective gasp filled the bar and suddenly the man's face lost a little color. To further prove his point, the advisor pulled the tunic from the man's hands and placed it in his mouth, tasting it. When he released it, he looked up at the man and said, and Link swore he would never forget this, "It is a very fine wine, however."

The bar's walls nearly gave way to the eruption of laughter as the man quickly made his crestfallen exit. As the crowd cheered him on and Telma met Winston with a glass of ale on the house, Winston could only stare stupidly back at the crowd whose attention was now squarely focused on him, half confused as to what he had just done, and half searching for his charge.

When the crowd had finally died down, Winston made his way over to a man wearing a familiar cloak. "How did you know where I would be?" Link asked the tired man.

"You always come here after your days are over, sire. Well, here and the palace garden when you wish to be alone with the queen. And seeing as how she had no idea as to your whereabouts-"

"Okay, okay. Your powers of deduction are quite admirable. It's still early in the day, and there's no scheduled business today. Why are you here?"

"Sire, as you may have picked up from the others a beast has been sited within the city walls. It is not safe for you-" Link gave him a stare that read along the lines of 'who do you think I am?' "Not safe for people with no experience on the matter."

Link smiled. "Don't worry, my friend, I'm on it. I'll hunt down that beast and save an entire orphanage if I have to!"

"Before that, sire, the queen has declared this to be a matter of great, um, significant, uh… _some _importance and has requested you return to her at once." Winston informed dutifully.

"Zelda… knows?" Oh, by the goddesses, he was in for it.

* * *

Zelda smiled as Link opened the door to their private study. "Ah, my beloved, you have returned. I found your note by the bed this morning. I trust your 'business in town' was uneventful?"

_Goddesses, why does this kind of thing always happen?_ Link thought as he closed the door to the study. Turning to face his wife, he found that her smile had turned into a dissatisfied frown and her eyes had narrowed almost lethally. Link wondered if this would be anything at all like the time she used her magic to turn him into… he shuddered just remembering.

She moved to a two-person couch and without changing her expression asked in a calm and caring voice "Please, come sit beside me and tell what you've been up to." His obedience came as no surprise to her.

"Zelda," he began carefully, "I was just-"

"Link, I want you to know that I completely understand." Wha?

"You do?"

"Yes, of course. Oh, it must be so much fun to be able to change shape from man to beast and back." She trailed off, reaching up and playing with his blonde locks as she began to smile. "Do not think, however, that I am not upset with you. Far from it, I'm positively furious." Her voice was growing kinder and more gentle with each syllable.

"As well you should be. I disrupted the public peace and caused a general pan-"

"Save your rehearsed apology for the horses. You'll be sleeping in the stables tonight for this." Thanks to her tone, he couldn't tell if she was exaggerating or being completely serious. Her next words came with a darker tone, however, as if to clear up his confusion. "You'll also be taking over for me in the council meetings in the next few months, as I will be unable to attend them."

"For what reason, my love?" Link tried to add the last part in an effort to lessen his punishment. A night in the stables was far more favorable than months of meeting with council members.

"Link…" She leaned in close to kiss his cheek before continuing, "I found out today that the goddesses have smiled upon us. I am with child."

Speechless for a moment, Link smiled at his wife and shared a passionate kiss with her to communicate his excitement over the news. After all, there was only so much words could say. Some time later, Link broke the silence between them.

"Are you still mad at me?"

"Oh, yes, very much."

* * *

Now, for those of you asking where's Ilia in all this... well, I do not have an answer. Sorry, not that imaginative. I really, really wish I had a better excuse though, if that helps.


End file.
